he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
