if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
