yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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