I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
