i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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