it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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