SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
