ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
