my phone needs a breathalizer
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
