i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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