So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Send help, water and tortillas.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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