I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
