Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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