you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
