Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
