How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
