I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
from now on my penis is your penis
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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