please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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