We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
