we're chasing vodka with high fives
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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