Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
