Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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