how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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