I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize