just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
