my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
