a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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