I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
