He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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