WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
