What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
