i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
