I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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