That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
