well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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