sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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