did you get engaged???
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Sext me about skeletons
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
