She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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