between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
