things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
