people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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