remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
