Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
