If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
