if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
