Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
