my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
