After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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