I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
why is half of my head shaved?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
