they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think I sprained my soul last night
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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