BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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