I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
