but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Dick very happy bro
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
