atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
