I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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