I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
what day is it and did you see me today?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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