I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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