dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
