you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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