WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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