It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
