It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I've blown a few things in my day
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
