So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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