you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
