Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think I sprained my soul last night
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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