matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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