i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
