you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i barfeds in our rink
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
