Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
