she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
