i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
